Character Education Early children

6 Feature Character Troubled Children

"Is it possible to know and ascertain whether a child is troubled, within 5-10 minutes the first time we see him?" The answer is "probably" and "definitely". That's a question I often ask the participants or the parents who are eager to learn and peppering me with questions about his son.
I will discuss these secrets now, secrets that I often use to analyze a child. Is he troubled, even after carefully studying us can predict the future of a child. Wow, this is not a sale promise quiet, but this is uncertain. From the results of handling a variety of cases of families and individuals then formed an accurate pattern in each individual. Most of my clients if they have a problem, most of the problem and most of the problem comes from 2 things. It is also a secret (Secret of my therapy room), but I'll dismantle exhausted.

Well 2 things come from:

    * Families (families that make up the problem by accident).
    * The problem comes from the age of 7 years and under.

Family, is an important factor in a child's education. The character of a child from the family. Where most up to age 18 years of children 60-80% companies spent with family. Humans different from animals (sorry) Of a newborn kitten, could live if separated from the mother, and many other animals which have similar capabilities. Humans can not, until the age of 18 still need their parents, and warmth in the family. Success of a human being can not be separated from the "warmth in the family". It would be a lot of things that will be removed from each year of human life and needs and how to meet those needs, especially the emotional aspect. I'm not going to continue, we will discuss then on the other, we now know the way back to the characteristics of a problem child.
Aged 7 years and under? What's going on at this age? At this time the majority (85%) lies the origin of the problem or problems / obstacles created man. Fancy term Mental Block. Characters hamper achieving our personal goals. And usually will be felt at the age of 22 years and above. Woo ... ? Yes Mental Block as programs that seemed to be prepared (due to ignorance and accidentally and our parents) to inhibit various aspects of our lives. Aspects that can be a career (rich fear, fear of high office) health (body fat, allergies) Relationship (not easy to match with your partner / friend, paranoid) and other things, and many more.

What's up with 7 years and under and around the first 7 years of human life? Let me explain, at this time we need, basic emotional needs that must be met to remember MUST be met. If at this time and are not met by then, there will be self-Mental Block at the child. This is where the origin of the Mental Block formed. Because unmet basic needs required a human emotion. The need for what is needed at that age kids? So consequences (in adulthood the child) if the requirements are not met.

There are three requirements that must be met in children aged 0-7 years and even more, it is the key to character education, so that the character of our children can grow and develop optimally. Besides these three things is the origin of Mental Block that often occur or be very disturbing when the child is an adult. That is:
1. The need for security2. The need to control3. The need to be acceptedThree basic emotional needs must be met for the child we become a reliable and strong character to face life. It will be very long at all when described, well considering we discuss traits - traits problem child then we will go back to the topic.
Actually there are six traits of character a troubled child, we see enough of his behavior that appears then, we've been able to make early detection of the "great disaster" that will come later in life (read: more mature) and as soon as possible can make improvements.

These character traits are:

1. Unruly and to work withIt seems that most children will rebel, will own way, began to organize not want this and that. at this stage children are eager to take control. From there "uprising" from within him. Things we can do is understand it and we should respond with a calm emotional state.Remember the basic human needs? Three things I have mentioned above, now it is being experienced by the child needs. We can only direct and supervise carefully.
2. Less open to the ParentsWhen parents ask "How was school?" Son replied "fine", replied with a lazy, yet strangely at her she is so open. Strange is not it? This is a hallmark to 2, now at this point to say a parent figure replaced with others (friends or chairman of the alley, boyfriend, etc.). When this happens we as parents should be introspective and began to change their approach.
3. Responding to NegativeWhen children begin to frequently commented "though he wrote it ugly", a sign of self-esteem children were injured. Low self-esteem, one way to rise to a higher level is to find a foothold, the same time you have a low self esteem then the easiest way to raise our self-esteem is by criticizing others. And the child was trained to do that, be careful of this. Self-esteem is the key to success in future children.
4. Withdraw themselves
When children get used to and often Alone, preoccupied with her world himself, he does not want others to know about him (pull away). In this condition we as parents should take immediate measures a different approach. Every human being wants to be understood, how to understand the condition of a child? Back to the 3 things I mentioned. In this condition the child usually feels like to be accepted for what it is, understandably -to understand and deep.
5. Rejecting realityEver heard the quote like "I am not a smart man, I was stupid," "I can guns, I'm stupid". This is almost equal to the number 4, which is the case of self-esteem. And usually the case (denial) come from the wrong discipline. Example: "wrote that much why not, the mothers have given repeated instances".
6. Being a comedianAn incident at school when her friends laughed because of his behavior and the child is happy. If this occasionally may not matter, but if he repeatedly does not want to go back to my seat and looking for an opportunity to seek recognition and acceptance from his friends then we as parents please alert. Because children do not get a sense of welcome home, where are the parents? 

The Importance of Understanding the Emotional Needs Children

we have learned that children and adolescents are more controlled by their emotions rather than rational and logical thinking. Emotions may explain why children and adolescents behave that way, including the self-destructive behavior. So if we want to motivate them, we should first understand the emotions that control them and use them to guide the behavior and thinking more deceptive.

Here is the third child's emotional needs:

1. The need to feel SAFE

One of the strongest needs required soerang child is feeling safe. Safe in themselves and their environment. Teenagers seek security by joining with a group of "gang" or group of their peers, engage social order among them, and imitate his behavior.

A psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, in his "five languages ​​of love" to say we all have a psychological love tank to be filled, more precisely if the child then the parents should fill. Children love tank is full then he would like to himself, quiet and felt safe. This can be interpreted as a happy child and had "inner" motivation.

Do we need to learn and know the love tank? It is necessary, I often recommend the teachers and parents to learn the language of love and find their son, herself and her partner. This I will discuss in the next article).

For example, motivated by the love of a mother scolding her son who was playing computer. "stop played computer and learn now" then what is there to mind the child? Maybe "Hmpf ... She did not love me, and want to control me and preoccupation" Well, son take it as a negative thing, communication is usually destroys the love at the root of the problems parents and children and teachers.

 "Loved the child is not the same as the child feel loved"

What causes the need for security is not met?• Comparing children with relatives or othersWhen we say "why can not you keep the room as your sister", "why can not you write neatly Rudi". Will grow up feeling rejected, not accepted, they will think "daddy / mommy is happier with ..." it fosters an attitude of love with himself and wanted to be someone else. They feel safe to be someone else, not to feel safe and comfortable being herself.
• Criticize and fault findingWhen we say: "you little fool, what's wrong with you? Why can not you do anything right? "Certainly, will lead to feelings of resentment, no sense of safety within the home (if this happens often at home).
• Physical violence and verbalI think no need to explain anymore, it's been a lot of us have encountered in newspapers and on television news, and the dangers or consequences too often we encounter in the media. If there is no security in the home, then the child will seek shelter to meet their security in all the wrong places. And the kids will do anything to get this security, seeking attention in the wrong way.

2. The need for recognition (feeling important) and accepted or loved

Rarely do parents make their children feel important and recognized at home. Instead many parents who make their children feel small and insignificant with the threat: "better do your homework now, or ..."
What is in the mind of the child if treated like that? We parents would be happy if kids do the things we command, but there are those young minds are lost by doing what they're told parents that way. So many children who delayed or did not do what was assigned parents (even though the threat) to meet the emotional needs for recognition.
A stern warning to parents: If your child does not feel loved and accepted by their parents, they will be compelled to look in all the wrong places.
The desire of a child to be recognized and to be loved is so strong, that they will do anything to get it. If they do not get the recognition it the right way it will find the wrong way and the wrong place. This need has prompted some children and teens to use a tattoo, another child, joined the gang of bullies, with flashy colors dyed hair, acting like a clown and comedian. It is generally troublesome themselves, but for the sake of gaining recognition and acceptable (to get attention).
There are extreme cases on 16 April 2007, a student of the U.S. Virginia Tech, Cho Seng-hui. Shot and killed 32 students. What drives this behavior, so he did something so incredible crazy? He did just as it needs recognition and a sense of importance so great, but not fulfilled by those who ignored and insulted. It forced him out of the world of logic and claimed the lives of others as well as himself, in his mind he thinks it's better to die with the name of the living is not bad as anyone.

3. The need to control (feeling or desire for self-control)

As the growth of children, while search for identity and independence while learning to build from the parent. This process creates an emotional need to be free and independent.
So that's why kids do not want to be dictated to what to do. They are not "slang" to listen to parents. By listening to the advice of their parents as being treated like a child. This explains why the children listen to their friends and uncle or aunt (uncle or aunt) who was younger than his own parents.
Parents are smart, will not give up for this. How do I provide direction and that the child's parents want to hear? Use of communication that does not mean forcing a child to advice us. Make it as if they study and work hard for themselves and not for us. they will be more excited and motivated that way. And most importantly, our kids love the tank meets every day and make sure children are always full when I wake up wake up and before bed. That way the child knows who understand and love, and to whom he will come on when needed someone to listen, that we are his parents.
Take advantage of this information, recognize the emotional needs of our children. Be sensitive to where when children need acceptance, the need to control things, and need to be safe. Use words that are appropriate to meet those needs, the following tips and how to meet a child's basic emotional needs:
1. Sense of security:• Quiet safe with you dear papa, mama will accompany you, hey ... papa here will keep you dear
2. Sense of acceptance or a loved one:• Make a habit of looking into the eyes when talking to the child, make eye contact is flat or "eye love"• Tap the shoulder while talking or any part origin polite, to show that we are together and close to the child• Keep abreast (stand in line with the child or kneel)• Say: whatever happens papa / mama still love you, you're still champ papa / mama, papa  / mama you're the most beautiful
3. The need to control:• If possible, when you see your child needs to do something yourself then please allow• Actually it is a learning process for himself and his future will be very useful today• Price of the child will be higher, if we are diligent to give control to the child, because the child was able to operate without the help (of course, a safe activity at the discretion of the parent)• Take special time to move and control, and watched with affection, ie children aged 2-3 years'm eating alone, going to school alone, and others